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English pages for Kids and Children.

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English pages for Kids and Children.

Babs Bell (Bishop) Hajdusiewicz and her books

Bestselling author Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz

Bestselling author Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz, Ms.Ed. is the author of more than 100 books and 350 poems for children, including: Don’t Go Out in Your Underwear!; Phonics through Poetry: Teaching Phonemic Awareness Using Poetry; MORE Phonics through Poetry: Teaching Phonemic Awareness Using Poetry; Rhythm & Rhyme Reader Series; Questions and Answers Series; Jacks and More Jacks, Words! Words! Words!; Words and More Words. She is also author of Steppingstone Stories Series; Peaceful Me and Sometimes I Feel Happy, Sometimes I Feel Sad; three Poetry Works! collections for early childhood through intermediate grades; middle-grades biography Mary Carter Smith: African-American Storyteller; and the Dainty Dinosaur Series.

Hajdusiewicz stars in the Wright Group staff-development video Developing Oral Language and Phonemic Awareness through Rhythm and Rhyme. She has written numerous children's stories, articles for teachers and parents, and has contributed to and edited many elementary textbooks.

An educator for 40 years, Hajdusiewicz taught early childhood, elementary, and special education at all levels, served school districts in Indiana and Michigan as director of special education, and taught graduate and undergraduate education courses at Eastern Michigan and Cleveland State Universities. She founded Booking the Future: Reader to Reader™, a community-involvement literacy program that placed books in the hands and homes of more than 16,000 four, five, and six year olds, and Pee Wee Poetry™, a language development program for children aged two through nine. Hajdusiewicz is a frequent conference keynoter for educators and parents and a popular visiting author in schools across the country and abroad.

Specialties: Poetry for kids; humor; parenting for literacy; school staff development; author of numerous classroom materials; emphasis on phonemic awareness before phonics instruction; building love of learning from infancy onward

(Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz живет и работает в Атланте, штат Джорджия. Она написала более 100 книг и 350 стишков для детей. Своими книгами она предоставляет советы, консультации и материал для воспитателей, чтобы они чувствовали себя уверенно в том, что они помогают детям в период их раннего развития и становления их устной речи. Учителя английского языка могут использовать стихи для изучения языка в целом. Родители могут читать эти нехитрые стихи своим детям и помогать им изучать английский язык.)


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http://s3.uploads.ru/t/XPfDo.gif Learn English for free
Nursery rhymes & Education
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Picture Comprehension

песни из мульфильмов
видео на английском языке
тексты песен и сами песни известных исполнителей
интересные рассказы и стихи в оригинале для детей

Reading Comprehension for Kids

Reading Comprehension is suitable for Kindergarten students or beginning readers.
This product is helping children to sharpen reading and comprehension.


Gather around and listen well, for we have a fabled story to tell. Today is National Tell a Fairy Tale Day and a great opportunity to read to your kids. We are encouraged to explore myths, fantasy and fables, old, new or imagined by you on the spot. A fairy tale is a fictional story that may feature fairies, trolls, giants and talking animals. These stories often include enchantments and far-fetched events.




Предлагаем прочитать рассказ Рэя Брэдбери «Противотуманная сирена» (уровень средний) для продолжающих изучать английский язык.
Действие рассказа в происходит в Туманном Альбионе. На берегу моря стоит одинокий маяк, свет которого помогает судам найти дорогу к гавани ночью и во время тумана. Туманы в этом месте особенно густые, поэтому маяк  оборудован еще и противотуманной сиреной.  Каждую ночь МакДан и Джонни, живущие на маяке, включают фонарь, свет которого указывает всем, заблудившимся в тумане, дорогу к берегу, и коротают время за разговорами. Когда туман особенно густой, они включают сирену, звук которой похож на печальный зов или плач неизвестного существа. И вот однажды….

Ray Bradbury.

The Fog Horn ( pre-intermediate)

Vocabulary for the story:

    the fog horn — противотуманная сирена
    the Deep — пучина (поэтич. название моря)
    Something made them swim up. — Что-то заставило ее подняться на поверхность.
    It learned you can’t love anything too much in this world. — Он узнал, что в этом мире нельзя любить слишком сильно.

Ray Bradbury. The  Fog Horn (part 1)

Every night MacDunn and Johnny waited for the fog. When it came, they lit the fog light in the lighthouse. Red, then white, then red again. They sent the light to the ships out in the sea but when the fog was too thick they switched on their Fog Horn!

One cold November evening they were having a quiet talk about their job, about the mysteries of the sea. The great eye of the light was shining into the sea. The Fog Horn was blowing once every fifteen seconds.

‘One night,’ said MacDunn, ‘years ago, I was here alone. Suddenly the fish came up. Something made them swim up. When I saw their funny eyes, I turned cold. They were like a big peacock’s tail in the moonlight.

Then, without a sound, they disappeared. Strange. Think how the lighthouse must look to them. It stands high above the water, the light comes out from it, and the tower speaks in a monster voice…’

Johnny was frightened. He was watching the grey sea going away into nothing and nowhere.

‘Oh, the sea’s full of life,’ he said.

‘Yes, it’s an old world,’ MacDunn smoked his ci­gar and looked worried. ‘Now, I’ve got something to tell you. The Fog Horn sounds like an animal, doesn’t it? A big lonely animal crying in the night. Calling out to the Deep, ‘I’m here, I’m here.’ Well, you have been here for three months, Johnny, so I’m going to tell you. Something comes to visit the lighthouse.’

‘Do you mean the fish?’

‘No, something else. First it happened three years ago. It usually happens about this time of the year. Let’s wait and watch.’

While they were waiting, MacDunn told some theories about the Fog Horn to Johnny.

‘One day a man walked along the cold shore. Then he stopped and said, «We need a voice to call across the water to the ships. I’ll make one like a voice of the fog. I’ll make a sound that’s so lonely that everybody listens to it. Everyone who hears it will start crying, and their hearts will become warmer.» I made up that story to ex­plain why it keeps coming back to the lighthouse. The Fog Horn calls it, I think, and it comes…’

* * *

Ray Bradbury. The  Fog Horn (part 2)

It was a foggy night and the light was coming and going, and the Fog Horn was calling through the air. In the high tower they watched the sea moving to the dark shore. And then, suddenly from the cold sea came a large dark head, and then a neck. And then more neck and more! The head was high above the water on a beautiful dark neck. Finally came the body, like a little is­land of black coral.

‘It’s impossible!’ said Johnny.

‘No, Johnny, we’re impossible. It has always been. It hasn’t changed at all!’

The silent monster was swimming slowly in the icy water with the fog around. One of its eyes caught the bright light of the tower, red, white, red, white.

‘But the dinosaurs died out long ago!’ Johnny cried.

‘No, they hid away in the Deep.’

‘What should we do?’

‘We’ve got our job. We can’t leave it. Besides, we’re safe here.’

‘But here, why does it come here’

The next moment Johnny had his answer. The Fog Horn blew. And the monster answered. A cry so sad and lonely! The Fog Horn blew. The monster cried again. The Fog Horn blew. The monster opened its great toothed mouth and the sound that came from it was the sound of the Fog Horn itself. It was the sound of unhappiness, of a cold night.

‘Imagine, all year long,’ whispered MacDunn, ‘that poor monster waits, deep in the sea. Maybe it’s the last of its kind. Think of it, waiting a million years! One day it hears the Fog Horn in his deep hiding-place. The sound comes and goes, comes and goes. Then the monster starts its way up to have a look at it. He does it very slowly because the heavy ocean is on its shoulders. It goes up and up for three autumn months and it can hear the voice better and better. And there it is, in the night, Johnny! And here’s the lighthouse. The monster can see that the lighthouse has got a neck as long as its neck, and a body like its body, and, most important of all, a voice like its voice. Do you understand now, Johnny?’

The Fog Horn blew. The monster answered. It was only a hundred yards off now.

‘That’s how it happens,’ said MacDunn. ‘You love some­thing more than that thing loves you. And one day you want to destroy it, because it hurts you.’

The monster was swimming to the lighthouse. The Fog Horn blew.

‘Let’s see what happens,’ said MacDunn and switched the Fog Horn off.

It was a minute of silence and the men could hear their hearts. The monster’s eyes looked into the dark. Its mouth opened. It sounded like a volcano. It turned its head to the right and then to the left. It looked for the Fog Horn, for its deep sounds. Then its eyes caught fire. It swam towards the tower, its eyes filled with anger.

‘MacDunn!’ Johnny cried. ‘Switch on the horn!’

MacDunn switched the horn on and they saw its fish skin. It hit the tower with its gigantic paws and the tower shook.

MacDunn cried, ‘Downstairs! Quick!’

They ran down and hid in a small room at the bot­tom of the lighthouse. The next moment they heard the rocks raining down. The lighthouse fell. There was noth­ing but darkness and the wash of the sea on the stones. And then they heard the monster’s cry. There was no tower and no Fog Horn — the thing that had been call­ing to the monster for so many years. And the monster was opening its mouth and sending out great sounds. The sounds of a Fog Horn, again and again. And so it went for the rest of that night.

The next morning the people came and helped them to get out of the ruins.

‘It was a terrible storm,’ said Mr. MacDunn. ‘We had some bad knocks from the waves and the tower fell.’

The ocean was quiet and the sky was blue. The light house was in the ruins. The monster? It never came back. It returned back to the Deep. It learned you can’t love anything too much in this world.




Éder (Portuguese footballer)

This name uses Portuguese naming customs. The first or maternal family name is Macedo and the second or paternal family name is Lopes.

Éderzito António Macedo Lopes (born 22 December 1987), commonly known as Éder, is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays for French club Lille OSC as a forward.

He started playing professionally in 2008 with Académica, and signed for Braga four years later. Over the course of seven seasons, he amassed Primeira Liga totals of 143 games and 38 goals.

A Portuguese international since 2012, Éder represented the country at the 2014 World Cup and Euro 2016, winning the latter tournament and scoring the only goal in the final.

Éderzito António Macedo Lopes (born 22 December 1987), commonly known as Éder, is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays for French club Lille OSC as a forward.

He started playing professionally in 2008 with Académica, and signed for Braga four years later. Over the course of seven seasons, he amassed Primeira Liga totals of 143 games and 38 goals.

A Portuguese international since 2012, Éder represented the country at the 2014 World Cup and Euro 2016, winning the latter tournament and scoring the only goal in the final.

Éder taking on Italy's Andrea Ranocchia in a June 2015 friendly.

Éder chose to represent Portugal internationally. After impressive club performances for Braga, he was first called up by the national team in August 2012 for a match against Luxembourg for the 2014 FIFA World Cup qualifiers, but remained an unused substitute in the 2–1 away win on 7 September. He made his debut four days later in the same competition, replacing Hélder Postiga in the dying minutes of a 3–0 home win over Azerbaijan.

On 19 May 2014, Éder was named in the final 23-man squad for the tournament in Brazil. He made his debut in the competition on 16 June, replacing injured Hugo Almeida in the first half of a 0–4 group stage loss to Germany. In the second game, a 2–2 draw against the United States, he replaced another injured striker early on, this time Postiga.

International career

Éder's first international goal came on his 18th cap, the only goal in a friendly victory over Italy at the Stade de Genève on 16 June 2015. He was selected by Fernando Santos for his UEFA Euro 2016 squad, appearing in three games as a substitute and scoring the only goal in the final to help defeat hosts France after extra time



Pom Pom Maker - HOW TO

Hello there!
Today we're going to show how to use pom pom maker tools.

Hope you will enjoy watching this videos

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"I devised the name myself. The letter "K" had been a favorite with me -- it seems a strong, incisive sort of letter. It became a question of trying out a great number of combinations of letters that made words starting and ending with 'K'. The word 'Kodak' is the result." George Eastman

George Eastman (July 12, 1854 – March 14, 1932)
was an American innovator and entrepreneur who founded the Eastman Kodak Company and popularized the use of roll film, helping to bring photography to the mainstream.
Roll film was also the basis for the invention of motion picture film in 1888 by the world's first film-makers Eadweard Muybridge and Louis Le Prince, and a few years later by their followers Léon Bouly, Thomas Edison, the Lumière Brothers, and Georges Méliès.




Перевод слова née. 1) урожденная.


George Eastman  was born in Waterville, New York to George Washington Eastman and Maria Eastman (née Kilbourn), the youngest child, at the 10-acre farm which his parents bought in 1849.



10 Downing Street
is the official residence and the office of the British Prime Minister.
The office helps the Prime Minister to establish and deliver the government's overall strategy and policy priorities, and to communicate the government's policies to Parliament, the public and international audiences.




Meet Theresa May


Theresa May became Prime Minister on 13 July 2016
. Theresa served as Home Secretary from May 2010 until July 2016. She was elected Conservative MP for Maidenhead in May 1997.


Theresa had a varied education, spanning both the state and private sectors and attending both grammar school and comprehensive school. She studied geography at St Hugh’s College, Oxford University.

Political career

Theresa has been involved in politics at all levels for many years, beginning by stuffing envelopes at her local Conservative association before going on to be a councillor in the London borough of Merton from 1986 to 1994. During her time at Merton, Theresa was Chair of Education from 1988 to 1990 and Deputy Group Leader and Housing Spokesperson from 1992 to 1994.

Theresa was elected MP for Maidenhead in May 1997, after which she held several shadow positions, including:

    Shadow Secretary of State for Education and Employment 1999 to 2001
    Shadow Secretary of State for Transport, Local Government and the Regions 2001 to 2002
    Shadow Secretary of State for the Family 2004 to 2005
    Shadow Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport 2005
    Shadow Leader of the House of Commons 2005 to 2009
    Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Women and Equalities 2010 to 2012

Theresa served as Home Secretary from May 2010 until July 2016.

Career outside politics

After starting her career at the Bank of England, Theresa went on to the Association for Payment Clearing Services, firstly as Head of the European affairs unit from 1989 to 1996 and then as Senior Adviser on international affairs from 1996 to 1997.

First Lord of the Treasury

The First Lord of the Treasury is one of the Lords Commissioners of the Treasury. This role is usually held by the Prime Minister.

Since the 17th century, the Lords Commissioners of the Treasury have collectively carried out duties that were previously held by the Lord High Treasurer (head of Her Majesty’s Treasury).

The Lords Commissioners of the Treasury also include:

    the Second Lord of the Treasury - the Chancellor of the Exchequer, who has most of the functional financial responsibilities
    Junior Lords Commissioners of the Treasury - other members of the government, usually government whips in the House of Commons

10 Downing Street is the official residence of the First Lord of the Treasury, and not of the Prime Minister.

Cabinet Office and Prime Minister's Office, 10 Downing Street
Minister for the Civil Service

The Minister for the Civil Service is responsible for regulating the Civil Service.

The Civil Service (Management Functions) Act of 1992, allows the Minister for the Civil Service to delegate power to other ministers and devolved administrations.

This role was created in 1968 and is always held by the Prime Minister.


The Prime Minister is head of the UK government and is ultimately responsible for the policy and decisions of the government.

As head of the UK government the Prime Minister also:

    oversees the operation of the Civil Service and government agencies
    appoints members of the government
    is the principal government figure in the House of Commons

Cabinet Office
Prime Minister

The Prime Minister is head of the UK government and is ultimately responsible for the policy and decisions of the government.

As head of the UK government the Prime Minister also:

    oversees the operation of the Civil Service and government agencies
    appoints members of the government
    is the principal government figure in the House of Commons

Cabinet Office and Prime Minister's Office, 10 Downing Street



Кипарисси/Kyparissi Ikaria

If you’re in need of some “peace & quiet”, a relaxing swim or a hassle-free time on the beach, then Kyparissi is the ideal place.  This beach is less than a kilometer from the village of Evdilos and accessing the shoreline from the main road is quite easy.  The sandy beach and pristine, clear waters, ever-green landscape and the harmonious sounds of nature complete this amazing mosaic of beauty.

If you are looking for snack bars, cantinas and umbrellas…you’ve come to the wrong place!  You won’t find any amenities or facilities at Kyparissi Beach, so bring your own bottled water and snacks.  This place is far, far from the popular, touristy spots around the island, but here you can discover hidden treasures of Mother Nature, like the small cave amongst the shoreline rocks.



The Tudors: Greensleeves (Henry/Anne)

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«Зелёные рукава» (англ. Greensleeves) — английская фольклорная песня, известная с XVI века.
Дважды упоминается в произведениях Уильяма Шекспира, в том числе в комедии «Виндзорские насмешницы».

Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.

Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady greensleeves.

Your vows you’ve broken, like my heart,
Oh, why did you so enrapture me?
Now I remain in a world apart
But my heart remains in captivity.


I have been ready at your hand,
To grant whatever you would crave,
I have both wagered life and land,
Your love and good-will for to have.


If you intend thus to disdain,
It does the more enrapture me,
And even so, I still remain
A lover in captivity.


My men were clothed all in green,
And they did ever wait on thee;
All this was gallant to be seen,
And yet thou wouldst not love me.


Thou couldst desire no earthly thing,
but still thou hadst it readily.
Thy music still to play and sing;
And yet thou wouldst not love me.


Well, I will pray to God on high,
that thou my constancy mayst see,
And that yet once before I die,
Thou wilt vouchsafe to love me.


Ah, Greensleeves, now farewell, adieu,
To God I pray to prosper thee,
For I am still thy lover true,
Come once again and love me.

Зеленые рукава

Зеленые рукава

Твоим зеленым рукавам

Я жизнь без ропота отдам.

Я ваш, пока душа жива,

Зеленые рукава!

За что, за что, моя любовь,

За что меня сгубила ты?

Неужто не припомнишь вновь

Того, кого забыла ты?

Твоим зеленым рукавам...

Я для тебя дышал и жил,

Тебе по капле отдал кровь,

Свою я душу заложил,

Чтоб заслужить твою любовь.

Твоим зеленым рукавам...

Я наряжал тебя в атлас

От головы до ног твоих,

Купил сверкающий алмаз

Для каждой из серег твоих.

Твоим зеленым рукавам...

Купил я красные чулки,

Расшитые узорами,

Купил тебе я башмачки

Нарядные, с подборами.

Купил гранатовую брошь,

Браслета два для рук твоих.

Таких браслетов не найдешь

Ты на руках подруг твоих.

Из серебра купил ножи,

Позолотил их заново.

У самой знатной госпожи

Такого нет приданого.

Тебе прислал я слуг своих

В твоем дому прислуживать.

В зеленый шелк одел я их,

И в галуны, и в кружево,

Чтоб на руках тебя несли

Они порой ненастною,

Чтоб не коснулась ты земли

Подошвою атласною.

Весь день твой услаждают слух

И музыка и пение.

Но ты меня, мой милый друг,

Отвергла тем не менее.

Одну надежду я таю,

Что, как ты жестока ни будь,

Любовь несчастную мою

Вознаградишь когда-нибудь!

Пусть ты глуха к моим мольбам,

Мучительница милая,

Твоим зеленым рукавам

Послушен до могилы я.

Твоим зеленым рукавам

Я жизнь безропотно отдам.

Зеленые, словно весною трава,

Зеленые рукава!

В переводе С.Я.Маршака

(на русском языке см:» Новости и полезная информация мира » Это интересно. Обо всём на свете со всего света. », п745)



IWF - International Weightlifting Federation

IWF EB decision on Russian participation at the Rio 2016 OG

The IWF Executive Board decided today to ban the Russian Weightlifting Federation from recommending/entering/participating with athletes and Technical Official at Rio Olympic Games 2016.

The decision is effective as of today.

The IWF Executive Board carefully studied question of the participation of Russian weightlifters in the Olympic Games Rio. The study included the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA)’s Independent Person (IP) Report by Prof. Richard McLaren,

    IOC decision concerning the participation of Russian athletes in the Olympic Games in Rio 2016,
    Statistics (Re-analytical cases from the Beijing and London Olympic Games), Anti-Doping statistics concerning the Russian athletes,
    IWF Anti-Doping Policy,
    WADA Code,
    Olympic Charter,
    IOC, WADA communications

According to the IOC decision concerning the participation of Russian athletes in the Olympic Games in Rio 2016, which set the eligibility criteria for the Russian athletes to participate at the Games the IWF Executive Board evaluated the nominated athletes’ eligibility.

8 (Eight) athletes were nominated by the Russian Olympic Committee (ROC) to compete in the Rio Olympic Games weightlifting events.

Ms. Tatiana Kashirina’s and Ms. Anastasiia Romanova’s nominations were withdrawn by the ROC due to prior anti-doping rule violations.

Four (4) additional athletes were listed in the McLaren Report as beneficiaries of the Disappearing Positive Methodology System.

According to the IOC decision “the IFs to examine the information contained in the IP Report and for such purpose seek from WADA the names of athletes and National Federations (NFs) implicated. Nobody implicated, be it an athlete, an official, or an NF, may be accepted for entry or accreditation for the Olympic Games.” The implication of athletes in the IP Report has been made ineligibility criteria by the IOC; no further action or decision is required from the IWF in this regard.

Furthermore, according to the latest IOC decision:

“Under these exceptional circumstances, Russian athletes in any of the 28 Olympic summer sports have to assume the consequences of what amounts to a collective responsibility in order to protect the credibility of the Olympic competitions, and the “presumption of innocence” cannot be applied to them. On the other hand, according to the rules of natural justice, individual justice, to which every human being is entitled, has to be applied. This means that each affected athlete must be given the opportunity to rebut the applicability of collective responsibility in his or her individual case.”

Further to the above, we would like to highlight the extremely shocking and disappointing statistics regarding the Russian weightlifters:

As of today there are 7 confirmed AAFs for Russian weightlifters from the combined reanalysis process of London and Beijing, while the second wave of Beijing reanalyses is not yet in a stage when the names and countries involved can be publicly disclosed.

The IOC asked the International Federations to “apply their respective rules in relation to the sanctioning of entire NFs. “

According to Article 12.4 of the IWF Anti-Doping Policy,

„If any Member Federation or members or officials thereof, by reason of conduct connected with or associated with doping or anti-doping rule violations, brings the sport of weightlifting into disrepute, the IWF Executive Board may, in its discretion, take such action as it deems fit to protect the reputation and integrity of the sport.“

The IWF Executive Board confirmed that the Russian Weightlifting Federation and Russian weightlifters brought the weightlifting sport into disrepute.

In the light of the above, the Executive Board decided to withdraw the appointment of the Russian Technical Official from the Rio2016 Olympic Games.

The integrity of the weightlifting sport has been seriously damaged on multiple times and levels by the Russians, therefore an appropriate sanction was applied in order to preserve the status of the sport.

According to the Reallocation Policy, the Executive Board decided to offer the available Quota place to athletes from the following NOCs:


All athletes beneficiating from this last minute Reallocation were tested in the Qualification Period and are subject to further testing before participation.



Paisley is a huge part of henna designs.
If you watch out for them, you'll start to see them everywhere, and admire their amazing variety of uses. Because there are so many options and varieties, this is my longest video of my alphabet series. Hope you enjoy it!

Henna Alphabet: Element "C" - Paisley

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Henna Alphabet: Element "B" Petal

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How To: Henna Tutorial

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Miss Manners: After paying for your meal, perhaps you should tip the host

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin August 7 at 12:00 AM

Dear Miss Manners: A friend called to say that she and her husband would be grilling steaks that evening and would like to invite me to join them. I asked what I could bring, and we agreed on a salad.

Then she put her husband on the phone. He said that I could reimburse him for my steak when I arrived!

I was so stunned that I simply said, “Okay.’’ However, within the hour, I called back and gracefully declined the invitation, saying that I had misjudged how much work I had brought home for the evening.

I did not reveal that I had been insulted . . . but I was. It has been my understanding that it is okay for a dinner guest to bring a side dish — but that it is not acceptable to ask guests for a cash contribution to the main dish!

While sharing your horror, Miss Manners cannot say that she is surprised. The time-honored notion that a host is someone who freely offers hospitality, with no more expectation than that of being a guest in turn, has been seriously eroded.

It is years since she was left reeling by a gentle reader’s report of relatives, including the host’s grandmother, being charged for Thanksgiving dinner at his home. It would have been nice to be able to dismiss this as an anomaly or a joke, but it was only the first of dozens of such complaints.

How did this happen?

You yourself have accepted the idea that the guest must contribute to the meal. Miss Manners can understand that a last-minute informal invitation could prompt an offer to participate, and she knows that truly cooperative meals — where members of a group, for example, or friends or relatives agree to share responsibilities and have a say in the organization — are a convenience.

But you have also added that a dinner guest, presumably attending a dinner party, should bring at least a side dish. Many people now believe this, and many hosts have come to expect this to the point of issuing instructions. From there it is a small step to contributions in cash.

A gentle reader has written the logical next steps:

“I believe that charging for food/service in one’s home changes the nature of that hospitality into a business transaction, with all the entitlements of those transactions.

“So, when receiving the bill, not only is a tip in order but also feedback on the food, service and ambience. Most businesses appreciate that kind of feedback.

“If ‘invited’ again, I guess my response would be that, for $50-plus, there are a lot of places I’d rather go, where I can order what I like, where it’s better prepared, where the service is better and the atmosphere more congenial, so ‘No, thanks.’

“People who invite others into their home and charge them surely have hides thick enough to withstand such, um, honesty (or is that spelled h-o-s-t-i-l-i-t-y?)



The Washington Post. Advice

Loves and losses belabored

Dear Carolyn: My younger sister won’t let me meet her boyfriend of three months. I’ve invited them over for dinner, she’s declined. I’ve asked if I can meet them out, she’s declined. She says it’s because they aren’t serious, and she doesn’t think you introduce boyfriends to family unless it’s serious.

That’s her prerogative, I know, but she’s got a history of dating dishonest men (all have ended badly, naturally) so I worry that her hiding him from me is a red flag. What should I do . . . besides worry?


Sib: What has the worrying accomplished so far?

It’s one of the tallest orders in emotional life, but it’s worth working on, starting now: The healthiest thing you can do in dealing with loved ones with unhealthy habits is stop investing yourself in their choices.

Use whatever strategies it takes — from deep breathing, to framing it as “This is what she wants and what works for her,” to accepting (embracing even) that her life is hers to live as she chooses, to respecting her as capable of running her own life, to reminding yourself that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help and can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, to just investing your energy in your own life.

Worrying is deceptive: It’s your brain telling you there’s a way to control something that you actually can’t control. Your sister’s choices, for example.

So stop trying to meddle and just work on staying close to her, which is, I’d argue, mutually exclusive with trying to fix her.

Good luck.

Re: Sib: I bet my siblings would call me the “sensitive” sister. That label along with the behavior described in the letter are why we’re all not close as adults. I don’t know what it is — the birth order or the gender or both — that moves my siblings to infantilize me or treat me like I have the brain of a 5-year-old, but somehow my actions have always deserved greater paternalistic, controlling “input” than the children who came before me. And if I defend myself or close myself off or act in a way they don’t like, I’m “sensitive.”

The irony is all of my siblings have made terrible choices, too, including wrong SOs, yet they never ever get the scrutiny or condescending “helpful” advice like I do. Their choices are always “different” or they got to learn from them without anyone else interfering.

Whatever it is, I don’t need “saving” and neither does your sister. Leave her alone, and I’ll bet she’ll come to you. You’d also be wise to question the rest of your relationship.

Sensitive Sister



The Washington Post. Advice

If you feel something, say something

Dear Carolyn: I wanted to chime in on your oft-repeated statement that the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

Sometimes people are silent because they are too upset to talk about it, and know trying will only make things worse. Sometimes, an emotional reaction can take a while to settle down. Some people have huge emotions accompanied by visceral reactions that make rational communication difficult if not impossible. Some people have histories that make tangential situations feel much bigger to them than they seem to others, and need time to wind down. Some people severely filter stories in order to make themselves appear the put-upon hero being punished by an emotionally abusive freak.

Seeing as how you have never once had the other person’s point of view as to why they have chosen to go silent, I cannot fathom why you keep stating this tidbit as if it were a fact. I hope you will stop.



The silent treatment is abuse. If you need time to process things or cool down, explain yourself first.



The Washington Post. Advice

I See Dead People
: Please, make my month and tell me she looks like Sybill Trelawney in the Harry Potter movies.
It’s not your place to tell Beth she’s “dead wrong” or push her to conform to your idea of non-delusional; skepticism is a lot less arrogant than certainty.

It’s also not your place to indulge Beth as though you believe what she’s saying when you secretly think it’s a crock.

If you can summon a non-mocking “Why not?” attitude and go along with the possibilities, then, great, that’s ideal. Otherwise I suggest: “Wow, interesting — no one comes to mind but I’ll try to figure it out.”

Even as I type this, I have the phrase “No one’s doing Beth any favors here” clanging in my head, but that’s why I advise remaining kindly neutral. Take no sides and let her sort it out. That includes not biting when the in-laws try to draw you into anything deeper than a kind, non-committal response to Beth’s gift or “gift.”

And think of it this way: Wherever you believe the stories come from, Beth is a storyteller, and surely we’ve all been to dinners that could have used one of those. (If my kids were reading this, they’d say, “Thanks, but don’t call me Shirley.”)

Re: Beth: I think I would stop at “Wow, interesting,” unless I really were going to try to figure it out. If Beth continues, depending on what she says, there’s also “Hmm, doesn’t ring a bell,” and “I’ll give that some thought” (if Beth says that the spirit is giving advice or a warning), and just “Hmm.” There really is a lot of middle ground; most of it consists of neutral responses and looking for opportunities to change the subject.

Anonymous: Fair enough, but you wouldn’t try to figure it out, not even a little bit?

Write to Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com. Get her column delivered to your inbox each morning at bit.ly/haxmail.
Carolyn Hax: Must I really indulge my ‘psychic’ sister-in-law?

A reader should summon their best non-mocking tone next time a spirit drops by for dinner.

By Carolyn Hax Columnist August 5

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: My husband’s sister “Beth” fancies herself a psychic of sorts who can communicate with the beyond. A few months ago, we were eating dinner when she began talking about a spirit with me. I honestly had no idea who she was talking about and told her that, because I had no deceased relatives or friends who fit her description. Beth became very upset, claiming that she was overwhelmed with what the spirit was trying to tell her. She was so upset she ran from the room to lie in a dark room and compose herself.

My in-laws asked me to be gentler with her, since this “gift” is a major part of her identity.

I see two paths. I can either lie to Beth and feed her belief that she has this “gift.” Or I can tell her she is dead wrong. Which makes me feel like I’m kicking a puppy. My husband and I would ideally like to handle Beth’s “gift” in a thoughtful way, but it’s hard to see what middle ground we have, especially when she puts you on the spot. How can I thoughtfully respond to Beth in a way that preserves her self-worth but also doesn’t give in to a delusion?



Grammar of Happiness

What is love? Shakespeare wrote that love is a star. He is one of thousands of poets and writers who have used symbols to express this deep feeling. Love is a journey. Love is a rose. Love is a fire. Love is a light. Love is a bird. Love is war. Love is a disease. Love is an addiction. Love is a game.  The list of love metaphors goes on and on. Talking about abstract ideas like love is a unique human ability. This is true for almost every language in the world, but not for the language of the Pirahã people of Brazil.

The Piraha are a small tribe of about 400 people that live in the Amazon. Unlike every other human language, Piraha doesn’t have words for abstract ideas. They only talk about what they directly experience or what people they know have directly experienced. The idea that love is a star is not something that they would understand. The Piraha are not stupid, they just have a different way of experiencing the world. Daniel Everett is a professor who has been studying the Piraha for thirty years and deeply respects their culture. They have a wide knowledge of the thousands of plants and animals of the Amazon. He says, “they can walk into the jungle naked, with no tools or weapons, and walk out three days later with baskets of fruit, nuts, and small game.”

Another unusual thing about the Piraha language is they don’t talk about time. There are no words for tomorrow or yesterday or last year. While there are a few words to say day and night or morning, they mostly live in a world without time. There is also no past or future tense. They have no way to talk about time. They have no history and they don’t talk about things that happened before their grandparents were born. Their experience of the world is almost completely in the present.

Piraha also does not have words for numbers. They have a word for more and a word for less, but there is no way to be specific about quantity. They don’t count how much food they have, or how many people they have in their tribe, or even how many children they have. This doesn’t mean they don’t have deep relationships with their children or other members of the tribe. It just means that they do not think of them as numbers.

It’s hard to imagine a world without time and numbers, but Dan Everett admires this part of their culture. He describes the Piraha language as having a grammar of happiness. Many spiritual teachers say that living in the present moment is the way to happiness. Maybe this is why the Piraha don’t have these words. Their culture is one free of worrying about the future and the past, and enjoying each day fully.



Imagine Your Future – a Guided Visualization

I want you to sit up straight in your chair. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath, and relax. I’m going to speak to you, and I want you to just listen and imagine. Do not sleep. Just relax and imagine.

Right now I want you to think about your life. Think about your family. See your family. Think about your friends. In your mind, see your friends. And think about your job. See yourself working. And when you see all these things in your mind about your current life, how does it make you feel? Take a moment to imagine.

Now think about a goal you want to accomplish in the next year of your life. It could be a relationship goal, an educational goal, a personal goal, or a work-related goal. Think about why this goal is important to you. How will achieving this goal add value to your life? Think about it and see your goal in your mind’s eye.

Now I want you to imagine yourself going forward into the future: one week, two weeks, three weeks. Go forward into the future. It is now one month in the future. You have started on the road to success. What decisions have you made? What actions have you taken? And how does it feel to be on the road to success?

Now I want you to continue going forward. It is now 6 months in the future. You are much closer to your goal. You are starting to feel the benefits of all of your efforts. How does it feel to be closer to your goal? What emotions do you feel as you move closer toward your goal. Imagine.

Now I want you to continue going forward. It is now one year in the future. You have fully accomplished your goal. You have achieved success. See yourself. What do you look like? What are you doing? Who are you with? What are people saying to you? And what are you saying to them. How does success feel?

Now I want you to look back on your success. Look back on the process of achieving success. Look back on all of your hard work and effort. How did you reach your goal, step-by-step. What were the little things you did, day-by-day, to achieve success? What did you do at work? What did you do in your relationships? And what did you do inwardly to achieve success? Take a moment to think of all the steps you took to accomplish your goal.

And when you are ready, take a deep breath. Relax. Smile. And open your eyes.